So I LOVE to work Christmas Eve. It’s never horribly busy, but never horribly slow either. And for the most part, everyone is really nice.
I mean, hell, even non-religious people feel bad for others working on christmas eve. You get tons of family’s that are too lazy to cook, and are extra courteous and generous in the holiday season.
Case in point, a woman and her 4 children, finishing up the last of the shopping. Very polite kids, cute baby sleeping. 20$ tip on a $40 bill.
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO! 
But for some reason, because all of the ‘normal’ people are at home, sipping hot chocolate with their families in front of fireplaces, the CRAZIES decide to come out and play.
The CRAZIES feel they can go out and be their CRAZY selves on nights like these because the normal people aren’t around. (At least, this is what I believe, seeing as I am half CRAZY myself).
CRAZIES fall into several catergories.
The Socially UnAcceptable
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Goths
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Extreme Atheists/Agnostics
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Strippers/Hookers
The Socially UnAware
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Reject Deadbeat Parents
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Painfully Alone Singles
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Awkward New Couples
Those Who Just Don’t Give A Fuck.
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College Students That Hate Their Familes
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Cracked Out Hookers That Have No Family
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Other Various Drug/Alcohol Abusers
My Prize Table on Christmas Eve went to a special kind of CRAZIES.
It was a mix of The Unacceptables (A Hooker and her Friend), and A Couple Of ‘Don’t Give A Fucks’ (Two completely stoned wanna be ‘gangxtas’).
So the two guys show up completely BLOWN. They cannot even put together coherent sentences.
“We be meetin’…. Tsahsinksita. (long pause) Danrmeirka. (pause again) Yuh. Mmmk.”
Hostess seats them in my booth.
I go to greet.
“Hey guys, welcome to Friday’s! My name is Half Server, Half Amazing. Can I get you started with some Strawberry Lemonades?”
“Nahuh. Waiting foh themz.”
“OOOOk.”
About 15 minutes later two girls walk in. They proceed to ask the host for the manager. Manager A is in the bar they talk to him. Apparently they had an incident on Saturday night and Manager A told them to come back and he would take care of part of their meals. Manager A tells me to take care of two rib entree’s they order because of bad experience over the weekend. I go to greet the girls now that they are comfy in the booth.
“Hey ladies. Can I get you girls some strawberry lemonades, or a soda?”
“You’z Manager A. said we be gettin’ our ribs fo freeh.”
“Yes, A. did tell me about that. I’m sorry about your experience last weekend. I will definetly take care of you guys tonight. So about those drinks, what can I get for you?”
“We wantz suh sprites. an watahz.”
“An one of them big red ones. (makes the motion of an Ultimate glass)”
“A Hawiian Volcano? Strawberry Margarita?”
“Yuh, Strawburrry thang. Wut that got innut?”
“Our strawberry margarita is made with Jose Cuervo Tequila, but if you would prefer another tequila I can definetly do that for you… Patron? Cazadores?..”
“Nah nit tequila!”
“So A Daquiri? That is made with rum.”
“Yuh! Themz!”
I bring back drinks…. The rest of this is going to have to be shortend because they CONFUSED THE FUCK OUT OF ME. In this whole ordeal the guys are silent, the women are doing all the talking.
“So are we all decided guys?”
“Yuh! They wants them the ribs. That comez with the mashed potatoes and french fries. TWO RAKZ OF RIBZ!”
“I’m sorry miss, but our ribs only come with FF, but if you want MP instead I can def. get that for you!”
“NAH! IT HAS TWO!”
“Um, No. It Doesn’t.
They point to JD Combo Special.
“YUH. It comez wit TWO.”
“Oh I’m sorry ladies! I didn’t know you meant the JD combo. So you want ribs and then mashed potatoes and french fries instead of veggies. No Problem. You get to choose another item with it. Steak, Chicken, Salmon or Shrimp.”
“NUH. WE BE WANTIN THE RIBS!”
Insert mindless arguing that I can’t even begin to translate into english about ribs, french fries and mashed potatoes.
“OK. Double Ribs. And for you ladies?
The order successfully. About 12 minutes later I’m bring out the food. I have the girls food and coworker R. has the guys plates. I drop off the ladies plates and as I’m turning to grab the plates from R. he watches as the guy next to Daquiri Girl delibertly knocks over the daquiri. Ensues a strawberry mess. I retrive towels quickly and give DG a towel with soda water to help get off the stickiness. She is grateful.
Drink Spiller starts shouting about her 200$ shirt blah blah blah blah.
I bring them another drink.
The continue with happy eating. 5 minutes later they summon me over.
“We neez mo’ them towel thangs”
I look up, JD GLAZE. EVERYWHERE. The boys have decided to play JD FIGHT!
I bring more towels.
Drink Spiller then knocks over DG’s drink AGAIN. They start to fight. Loud cuss words fill the almost empty restaurant.
Girls move to different booth.
Boys throw more JD glaze. Go to bathroom. Piss all over bathrooms. (I MEAN ALL OVER. EW!!)
Boys Leave.
Girls sit at bar finish Daquiri. See Boys waiting outside. Call Homies.
REAL LIFE BUMPER CAR ATTACK begins outside in parking lot.
Apparently the girls were so upset with the boys, they called their mad gangxsta friends to kick these dudes asses.
They were chasing them down in cars and running into each others cars and breaking windows and all sorts of CRAZY!
The girls still left me $10 on $58 so I can’t complain to bad.
DG was soooo a hooker I think. Or a stripper. I can’t tell. She wasn’t too skankified as to be a stripper. But seemed to dumb to be a hooker.
When I carded her, she had about $1500 in hundreds just all over her purse.
And when she paid, she had 5 Visa Gift Cards. She told me there was originally $200 on each on, she didn’t know how much was left and to just keep trying them until one worked.
See. CRAZY!
Seriously. I was in such awe that all that happened. It astounded me.
However, last night was so amazing. We got SLAMMED and I walked with $120 on $500 sales. I got a $50 tip on $120 and had 3 parties with grat. And just kept getting 20% every time i turned around. Even though we were slammed and ticket times were average 25 minutes. One of my tables even had a 40 Minute Ticket!
The kitchen was in the WEEDS. But they were good sports. Gotta love em!
